It seems like every so often I feel the need to give myself a pep talk. Today is one of those days.
Let’s start with listing some truths:
1. I get overly emotional about things I shouldn’t. For example, at work it is a very stressful time, two weeks before a new implementation. My piece is, for the most part, ready to go; however as a whole team, we are far behind where we should be. This stresses me out like you wouldn’t believe. Last night I couldn’t partake in my hobbies of knitting/design because I was so preoccupied with work issues. I wasn’t actively working, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Which only makes me more angry that I cannot escape the emotional storm of the workplace.
2. I want more time to do my stuff. Where “my stuff” equates to knitting design. I finally found something in the knitting world that I love to do that maybe I could make some money from. But, I have no time to do it. Actually, I have some time – a little here, a little there. I grab a few minutes in the morning before I head to work, and then I have a few hours at night after work. But this isn’t the intense focus I want to give it. I want to do it right. The problem is I still need to pay the bills. So, for now at least, I cannot simply quit my job and focus on my dreams.
3. Everything I do, I want to do well. This has always been the case for me. I want to become an expert in whatever I am focused on. I don’t want to leave things half done. This drive has been the main force behind my obsessions with knitting, spinning, and now designing. I am always pushing myself to get better, improve, learn every new technique. As a result, setting false modesty aside, I think I have become (or am becoming) quite good at these things.
When I attempt a new interest, I seek to evaluate if I will reach the level of success I strive for. If not, I don’t pursue it. For example, I tried my hand at dying yarn and fiber. I found it messy, time consuming, and ultimately not something I could see myself excelling at, so I let it go.
4. I want honest friends. To me a friend is not someone that thinks everything I do or say is earth-shockingly-awesome. I see plenty of that online, and it’s annoying.
Popular person: “I clipped my toe nails today!”
Followers: “OMG that is so freaking awesome! Good job! I’ve been meaning to clip mine too and now that you did, I’m so going to do it!!”
Seriously people, this is stupid. I’d rather have someone tell me, “Wow, that’s nice that you shared, but really, I would rather hear about your new sock design than your hygiene habits.” I respect the person that is able to tell it to me straight. Then when they do offer a compliment, I know they mean it and it means more.
5. I have health issues. This is something that I often try to forget, which is both good and bad. Good because I don’t think its a good idea to define oneself based on ailments. I know some people that do, and it is a shame because they are more than their disease. Bad because I often push myself too hard which leads me to take more time away from doing what I love. I haven’t found that balance of acceptance.
Where am I going with this list? I have no idea. Sometimes it just feels good to write some truths, helps me focus on what’s important and what my goals are.
